A Day of Evangelicalism to The Alaska Native Community

I met up with some members from the Campus Crusade for Christ this morning and decided it was time to go share my faith. The very first time I was sharing my faith was with the Alaska Native population that was so repressed in effect from many destructive causes from non-natives back in the 1900s. I definitely had a little glimpse of the spiritual realm of the AK Natives but my eyes haven't been more open after reading Harold Napoleon's paper entitled " Yuuyaraq: The Way of the Human Being" In this work which was a letter from prison Harold presented the history of the implementation of disease,drugs, elixirs, alcohol to the Alaska Native peoples. How the Great Death and the brutality from the Christians/Priests influenced this repression of their own values to the destruction of major rural villages and small native communities. I was shocked at the revelation that was presented to me.. that we were on a mission trip... sharing Christianity with these Alaskan Natives that were so brutally handled by previous Christians. I am now somewhat.. could it be ashamed of my own new beliefs facing off with my Alaska Native heritage? I am in somewhat of a moral dichotomy.

I sat down with a Native man from Hooper Bay and we discussed some of the terrible experiences that are happening in the Rural villages of Alaska and how this Great Death of the 1900s and the suffering followed led to all this emotional repression which is destroying communities. These Alaska Natives are trying to fill the voids of their hearts and trying to numb this pain through the mediator of Alcohol and drugs. When all this repression is stored in our souls we are angered... we are at lost... and when the alcohol reaches the inner depths of our souls the enemy takes over and we self-destruct.

There is healing through. And Harold promotes the idea of a common unity of Alaska Natives. That they all have to come together. That many social services would have to be run by Alaska Natives. The healing begins when we come together and share our stories. When we share our struggles. There is a underlying hatred in myself that I have to speak with my higher power about. That this repression within my own soul can be conquered. Through the combination of moral beliefs in Christianity and the release of the old Mosaic ways of thinking (We can think of this as old native spiritual beliefs) the healing process can commence. I believe that over years and through next generation Alaskan Natives that this idea of "Christians are out to change our society" will be released and they will succumb to the everlasting power of Christ through their own efforts. Until then the White man will have to be patient and understanding with Alaskan Natives throughout this transition which may continue on for a few more generations.

A Night of Sin. A Night of Capture

What a interesting night. I was busy sinning smoking cigarettes drinking booze and lustfully sinning than all of a sudden I saw 2 males outside stealing things from vehicles. I first spooted them whilst I was outside smoking a cigarette. They were behind my house looking trough vehicles on an attempt to steal items. They went house from house and finally found entrance into a camper/RV. I called the police. We talked over the phone for quite some time and we discussed what was happening as the events progressed. As I am typing this the offenders are in the vehicles right outside my door.

After the camper they went to my next door neighbors house and tried to gain access to the cars/trucks and then they went to my other neighbors house as well. I was outside when an officer saw me. I pointed him in the right direction. After this the officer wanted to speak with me.

I went outside and I talked with the officer. Within a second the two criminals came running around the corner right in front of the officer. I pointed them out and said that is them right there. Then they were handcuffed. A lady officer came to me and asked me my information. Asked me to show her around the neighboorhood to show her what cars were broken into as well. I did this and saw what each of them tried to steal and procure. I asked the officers what this meant to me because I recently was let off probation not a week ago...

What was this encounter all about? Was it to show me what will come of me when I continue to drink? If I continue to sin? There definetly was a messege behind this story. God will reveal it to me tonight and tomarrow.

The officers are still outside. I saw my nextdoor negihbor behind me come and talk to the officers. This was the same neighbor that I slashed tires towards. Is this an example of paying it forward? This is amazing. I was once the criminal now I am the one calling in to the police officers to deter criminals.

I wonder what is next? This is amazing.

Thank you Lord for this teaching. Thank you Lord for this understanding. This is amazing.

Praise to the Father, son and the Holy Ghost.

Thanks be to God

Amen

Free from the Bondage of Law and Probation: The Allure of Rules

Today was reality. I am free from bondage I am free from the Law and free from Probation. The past two years I have been on probation because of a action against my neighbors. I was lost in sin and lost in the law that lead me to believe that I had to be a perfectionist. But to some of us we NEED rules to govern our lives... to feel as if we are working in Christ.

I was totally wrong. I was using human effort to achieve something that is unobtainable (100 Percent purity). But Christ Jesus has already done it for us. We need to be reminded when we received the Holy Spirit that...

"Being confident of this very thing, that he which hath begun a good work in you will perform it until the day of Jesus Christ"
Philipians 1:6 KJV


That by His Holy Spirit and by the sacrifice of Jesus Christ on the cross of calvary all we have to do is enter in His rest.
That whatever work our Creator has made us for he is faithful to complete it.
That if we try to complete our own works by the flesh (that is by the law) and not of the Spirit we will utterly fail and be deemed foolish.
The Apostle Paul wrote to many doubters that thought they needed rules to guide them...



You foolish Galatians! Who has hypnotized you, before whose eyes Jesus Christ was vividly portrayed as crucified? I only want to learn this from you: Did you receive the Spirit by the works of the law or by hearing with faith? Are you so foolish? After beginning with the Spirit, are you now going to be made complete by the flesh?Did you suffer so much for nothing- if in fact it was for nothing? So then, does God supply you with the Spirit and work miracles among you by the works of the law or be hearing with faith? - Galatians 3:1-5

This is to convict believers that have received the Spirit but are returning to the law as a means of self-improvement. That we received His Spirit through FAITH and not to finish with human efforts (the law) or else we are doomed to fail.

Conviction: "Isn't the presence of the resurrected Christ inside of you enough?"

Thanks be to God.

Another day. I don't think so.

I really don't know how to start this blog. I really don't know how to state the feelings that I am going through right now. I guess you could say that I am rejoicing. I am happy that the Lord will favor me enough to continue to show me signs and wonders of His majestic glory. Praise be to God.

Woke up in another trance. Woke up with belief and in faith for another day abounding in the presence of our Lord Jesus Christ. Woke up to some tunes. Rocked out and got my spirit all filled and ready to take on any obstacle that came my way.

I had to drink a couple cups of coffee and had a couple muffins while I was working with my students. Some of these students are very intelligent whilst others are still in the transitional phase of their academic career. I was happy to be in the presence of the Lord and to be able to be humble enough to bring his presence with me right into that classroom. That He would minister individually to these students. That He would proclaim His glory in a different way to each and every one of these young souls.

I am laying down some of my time and proclaim that I may some of my own works to work in their works. I am happy to proclaim this. Happy to show that wisdom can come in an instant and can be lost in a instant. It came through feverish prayer and it can be lost with the.. what is the opposite of prayer? I cannot fathom the opposite.

I am overflowing and bubbling in the Spirit that the wind would indeed blow today. That when I ask that I shall receive. I sometimes ask for wisdom I sometimes feel intelligent. I feel these things. And see these things but It doesn't make me better than anyone. It increases my humility. That someone like me can empower other students. That I can pray for them even when they seem to hate me. Some may still have the presumptuous attitude . But I ask for them and hopefully they are receiving whatever they may need. Thanks be to God. Onwards and upwards in feverish prayer.

I am now awake after a third cup of coffee. I am ready to minister. Ready to apply myself and to live in patience and in the ways of the Lord. Slow to speak, quick to listen. Build relationships. Build in the Church. Build in the Body.

I admonished where there needed admonishing I praised where there needed praise. I accepted my speech and proclaimed my speech. I ate with the enemy (our flesh) and uttered my rebuke to its desires. I stare into the distance and into the skies in awe struck wonder. My mind has been altered by so many teachers of the Law. Now I am a teacher with the Spirit. Sharing my works and my attitudes towards other minds and souls and bodies. Another teacher but not of the Law but of the Spirit.

Another day?Another trance? I don't think so.

I was in the Mall. Where the work of the Lord is being developed. I had an encounter with a soul for Christ. David. He waved his recognition. We shared a few words and we acknowledged our gathering this Friday. I moved on to another location where the Lord is working. I met Cheston. He waved me over and discussed the Word. Discussed sharing your faith. Discussed

Matthew 25:35

35 For I was an hungred, and ye gave me meat: I was thirsty, and ye gave me drink: I was a stranger, and ye took me in:

36 Naked, and ye clothed me: I was sick, and ye visited me: I was in prison, and ye came unto me.

The Lord granted me meat. Granted me his living waters. Granted me hospitality. Granted me protection. Showed me his works in the Wind.... visited me in Prison and broke the unbalanced yoke. I am flowing in the right direction down the river of life. I continued on my journey.

The sun was shining at first and the wind wasn't in the air. My mouth was parched and my feet ready to be on the move. There was change in the air. There was a storm coming. Not a horrific storm of the soul but a storm of the Spirit. Is this another High that I am feeling? This is the new drug that I accepted in the past and was drunk in. In the spirit... not of wine but of His Blood. Amazing. I separated the body from the mind. I was thinking laterally. True duality in my deity/trinity. It was time to walk. Time to share my story. For another to listen than to share.

I found myself at the Listening Post. Sharing my testimony. Filled with Love. Filled with expressiveness of the Truth. That is Christ Jesus in all. A story was told and a bit of my faith was departed from my soul onto hers. She may take it as is but Its all God's work it isn't any of mine. I rejoice in this and in that I don't suffer when I utter my story. As Paul stated in Philippians that to live is Christ and to die is Gain. That I could die and still be happy I would be in a place that would be beyond imagination... but to be in the flesh in this present condition is much more proper for other lost souls walking this earth. What was uttered was uttered. What was spoken was spoken. What was heard was heard. I now have but a glimpse of what Paul meant in Philippians. I smiled said my salutations and peace offerings. I had to walk again.

This time I ran in the Spirit. I Knew that there was something ahead of me and something much better further ahead of me. That though my eyes peer in the distance that my heart would peer beyond that. Into the internal disposition not upon external facades.

I saw a old beat up red suburban. It was beautiful. It was there for a reason. To show me that others are working in Christ. It isn't a centralized conception of reality but a broad holistic/collectivist effort of the Church to share the Good News. My friends were located within. They asked what I was doing. I told them “Running Around”. They nodded in agreement and told me they were “Turning Around.” I had to be somewhere I departed from another miraculous encounter. There is a reason for these little encounters. I just haven't felt the revelation. I put my trust in the Lord that it would come. But NotYet. Not Yet.

I was sitting there perplexed and in a sort of “trance” I was in the zone. In the Spirit. I was generally happy. How can this continue? I kept second guessing myself. Kept having to fight the good fight and to accept reality. That is Christ Jesus. To accept his comfort and that comfort comes from one thing. Entering in His rest. I prayed that the Spirit would fill the room. That the storm would come within the little office filled with many depressed/angry people. That the wind would blow. Instantaneously the wind blew. I closed my eyes as the wind cooled off my sweaty brow. IT was the first time that I ran to this office with my head held high rather than in despair. The wind calmed me. Told me that he is still there in the midst of “criminals”

The meeting was brief. The release was absolute. One more step in the right direction. I really don't know how to end this blog and I really didn't know how to begin it. But what is in It was from Him and given to me to share. Thanks be to God.




Another day? Yes of walking. But not ordinary. The extraordinary. The extraordinary is born from the ordinary. I guess I will keep walking in his Grace. It seems to be working.


Brethren, the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.
Galatians 6:18

Awake. Fast. Lust. Sin Sin Sin. Repentance. Ask. Dream. Testimony. Love

I woke up and thought I had to go to work. Went to work and no one was there. I had class as well and did my presentation. I felt so lonely. I decided to fast.

The enemy came over me.

Lust was burning in my flesh. I sinned. I felt Ill. I belonged to Hell at that moment. I needed to lay down. I went outside and almost fell asleep on the University Lawn. I got up and took the next bus home..

I found some change. I had enough money to buy a cigar. I bought one. And I sinned against the temple. The enemy is trying to bring me back to death. I felt more Ill.

I came home and was disgusted of my sexual immorality. I was one step away. The lust took over. I sinned.

I needed to repent. I took a long hot shower. I had to talk to myself and to God. I had to crawl back into his presence. For I 1. Unlocked the door. 2. Opened the door. 3. Invited the Devil into my life.

I had to seek repentance. I had to ASK God for some healing. I asked him to speak to me in a Dream. He was loving and merciful. I closed my eyes for a nap. Next thing I knew I was in a dream. It really wasnt a dream... it was a lucid dream.

The 3 Dreams.

1. I was inside of a classroom. There were many people and the professor had a power point presentation on Deanna Yeetz. The floor was red. The room on 3 sides were all windows. I kept falling around and convulsing on the floor. I had no control over that. Everyone seemed to be mad at me for some reason. For interrupting them during class... I was drunk in class.. between convulsions on the floor in the classroom I found a seat in the corner. The last thing I remember was holding a 5th of green apple smarinoff vodka and I threw it into a corner... then I was transfered to another dream.

2. I was in a small room. The room was as small as a study room at our university. There was a older gentlemen behind the desk. He was an accountant. Behind him were many unnamed books on a small bookshelf. He looked professional and all I kind of remembering was that he had money. Money. Out of no where I was transfered into his body and I could control him. I walked around and out of nowhere time just stopped gravity stopped. It was so erie. Then I could move.

3. This third dream was morphed from the second. I could see three women in the distance. I was walking towards them and there came that familiar burning desire of lust. These three women were going up an escalator and I decided to feel up a women around her private area because I was so lustful. At that moment. There was a foot kicking me away. The women started to disappear.. then I awoke. Perplexed.

All three dreams were interconnected. The first dream represented my struggle with alcoholism and school. It ended with me throwing away my drug. The second dream was my worry about money and its promises for me. I need to stop. Just stop. (This is all I'm getting so far out of it) not to worry about money. For I can get caught up in it easily.... The third dream was about the three sins that happened before the dream. God was trying to teach me something in this encounter. Maybe he was just trying to show his presence.

A couple days ago God appeared in a dream to me as a Old man. Saying. " Stay and follow my ways"... and I heard a flash of thunder. It was amazing and I can't believe I overlooked these signs and wonders and continued to sin. Its amazing that though sin and traveling through these rough psychological times that God(holy trinity) is always there with His arms wide open waiting for you to give Him a hug.

After my dream I woke and had to make it to the Campus Crusade for Christ ministry. Ran into a few of them on the bus... then I had a presence to speak about my own personal story about my trials and tribulations and my faith in Jesus Christ. Thanks be to God. I spoke with David and Drew and Chris Tomas. My brothers in Christ. It was a experience beyond measure.

Thank You Lord Jesus.
Thank You Holy Spirit.
Thank you Father God.

I pray in the name of Jesus that any Lust or sexual perversion will be abolished by the blood of Christ. Thanks be to God.

I Love you Lord. Continue in your work. Finish what you have started. Continue to grant me peace, love and understanding. Grant me JOY. Grant me more revelations. Mold me into a warrior for Christ.

Amen.

Let the Window Blow let the Wind Blow

The wind is blowing outside. I want the holy spirit to keep talking to me. Even though I fall down Jesus is there to pick me up. I am so thankful that I have a God that loves me as much as he does. Why do you love me so much? Why me? Why me? Why me?

I cast this Crown of Grudge to the ground and pick up my Crown of Thorns.
Here is my dirt and my drege. Amplify me and glorify my name amongst the Gentiles.
Let the Holy Spirit flow through me and let the river of life refresh my parched lips.
My heart aches for you Lord Jesus.


What have I become?
My sweetest friend
Everyone I know
Goes away in the end
You could have it all
My empire of dirt
I will let you down
I will make you hurt

Take my empire of dirt. Take my sins. Cast this dirty crown to the depths of Hell. I walk to you and with you Jesus with a Glowing Crown of Light.
RUBUKE THIS LUST IN THE NAME OF JESUS.

I don't want to let you down. I don't want to make you hurt.
You are my sweetest friend.

Campus Crusade... a calling?

Interesting. Love. God. Love. And more Love.

God is placing stones in my life. Helping these wonderful men of God share the Gospel. 3 Ministries. AK NATIVE, UAA, and Basketball.

I start work tomorrow... I will be tutoring 15 students. Some don't even have their books yet! I'm just going to keep praying in the Holy Spirit. I am going to keep singing. I am going to keep Loving on my brothers in Christ. Thanks be to God. The wind is strong I can feel it. I am drunk. But God I want more. Show me more of your Love. Show me more than the tip of the iceberg. Praise be to God. In the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit I pray life and abundance over my life and over all my surrendered brothers and sisters in Christ Jesus. May their hearts be filled with the peace of the Gospel. Let us hug the cross. No nails in the cross. Just the cross. Let us embrace the cross. Let us flow down the river. Let us hit other stones. But most of all lets reach the party. The still waters.

Wherever I go thats where the party's at.

I saw things. I tasted things. I rejoiced.

Praise God. Praise Jesus. Praise the Holy Spirit.

Previously I only was able to see and the hear and to touch on the tip of the iceberg related to diving into the river. I am now a smother stone than I was about a couple days ago. I bumped into many rocks down the river of my life. Things seem so much more real. There were many signs and wonders during the Wind of the Holy Spirit conference down in Kenai/Soldotna Alaska (June 13 - June 20).

I had a revelation from the Holy Spirit. And that is to let the wind blow and to walk in Love. As God is Love I should walk in His Love. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!

I saw a marking on my leg as I prayed. It spelled Love.
I smelled the holy essence of Jesus. His blood. His wine. His Love.
I saw mass surrender to our Holy Holy Holy trinity.
People yelled HEY. When they felt the wind. They were welcoming the Holy Spirit in open arms.
I was surrounded by the wonders of the waters. I was flowing down the river. I was becoming smoother. Thanks be to God. Hallelujah!
I finally tasted his wine. I almost fought it. But I surrendered. I laughed. I rejoiced! ITS A NEW LIFE FOR ME! I'm feeling good. Praise be to God. Hallelujah!

When this revelation came it was better than anything that I have experienced ever before In my life. I now have understanding. I now have guidance. The eagle has been let out of the chicken coop. Hallelujah! *Insert Laughter* I am drunk off his tender mercy!! THANK YOU!
I am now not going down in despair. I am not tethered to my past. The Holy Spirit now speaks in my ear. Walk my son. And soon you will be glorified. Thanks be to God.

Its a new dawn, Its a new day, its a new life for me.
And I'm feeling Good.

Worldviews

My Word-View: Christian

But what does Christian (or whatever religion you follow) mean to each of us INDIVIDUALLY? To me it means something much more different than it may be to you. Our entire lives are shaped on these foundational beliefs of morality. For example. When one goes to a eye doctor you get a prescription for contacts/glasses...every prescription can be different and for some of us unlucky enough to have myopia (nearsightedness) or hyperopia (farsightedness) we have to wear these lenses to be able to see the world in a new light... to see clearly. There is definitely a medium (in this case the contact lens or the glasses lens) and they are generally made from the same materials. How is this related to religion?

The medium is what C.S. Lewis (in his popular novel Mere Christianity) dubs The Law of Human Nature. Which basically states that we all have a gravitational pull to do what is morally right.. no matter our world view. He goes on to say that it is human nature to do good. Our "prescription" or world-view that we have is unique to each and every one of us. Everything we were taught (even maybe the principles of Erik Erikson) or learned through observation, reflection and practice has shaped our medium. The metaphorical "doctor" is all our teachers throughout our lifespan.

Some may have the Jesus prescription( Px). Some may have the Allah Px, Buddah Px, Pagan Px, Atheist Px. Some may even dub themselves non-denominational. Every other belief system thinks another belief/denomination is delusional. In a sense we are all blind but our "doctors" shape our minds and plant little seeds of thought in our line of reasoning which grow and root in the deep conscious/subconscious of our minds. When we place our human reasoning into the picture don't our glasses fog up and distort the medium and change our prescription? I can go even further and say EVERYONE has different religions. Its just the medium that we try to fall on to be "separate" from other's religious prescriptions.


Is it even possible to set your belief's aside? Is true separation from Church/State even possible? I personally think that personal beliefs and your work in SW arn't mutually exclusive.

Our values are set in our beliefs. When we value patients and their beliefs aren't we in a sense using our own beliefs in the work that we do?

I think its somewhat possible to have a neutral attitude and to be culturally relevant/compassionate. To convey these neutral attitudes in regards to religion/spirituality one would definitely have to be a formalist and follow many rules/laws that would TRY to separate your personal world-view with the other's view....but remember we all have to be in the "medium."

I believe that our foundational concept of morality is best related to a quote by a British poet John Betjeman.
"Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows"

When reason "steps in" so does our metaphorical doctors. We either choose to wear the prescription medium or not. I wear my own glasses wherever I go and I won't take them off because that is how I see where I am going.

In my practice i'm not going to take them off because it would be unprofessional to do so. It would be impossible for me to read and to interpret my clients.

Memento Mori

Memento Mori

We have to remember that we are going to die.



I was just surfing the internet when all of a sudden many realizations came into my line of thought. I was first told that one of my friends that I used to play a video game with (I knew him very little) but some of my other friends that I played this video game with knew him very deeply died.

What was his name?

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Andrew Harley Jones, 23, died May 28, 2010

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This was a man of deep thought. He reflected on his morality. He reflected on life and its little nuances that we come into play with. I know that If I keep making these little connections in my life with others I will fall into some sort of insanity. As AJ said he was going to go insane. Here is a entry from AJ's blog:

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Estranged Lately I've noticed that everday things become more and more trivial to me. Things that I do on a day to day basis become foreign, and I become overwhelmed with dissociation. It's like when you repeat a word outloud over and over, it starts to lose meaning and just becomes a strange noise. To me, this is frightening because everyday I enter this state of mind more often and I think eventually nothing will make sense to me. I imagine this is how crazy people think before they go completely insane.

About the time of his death (I was totally unaware of his death until today) I was searching the internet about the serial killer Berkowitz.

It was interesting to me that during the time of his death I was looking up this name of Elliot Smith (One of his songs is Son of Sam and many know that Son of Sam was another alias Berkowitz used in some of his letters) that this name came into my life. Berkowitz was the alias that Mr. Andrew Harley Jones used when we played Counter-Strike together (Our clan name was [MM] or Muktuk Mafia.) The thing about [MM] was that we were all Native or associated with Alaskan Natives. And all our alias' were attributed to many well known "sociological terrorists"... i.e. Berkowitz , Kaczynski (This was my alias) and a few others.

What really made me get the urge to write about this was that on AJ's facebook page.. three days before he died he wrote one simple word.

Andrew Jones Jesus

3:44 AM May 25

http://www.myspace.com/andrewhjones

Did he finally find his true savior? This could relate to our own personal "delusions" be it The God Delusion or be it the Atheist/Agnostic Delusion. AJ knew about some sort of "
delusion" that was going on. Apparently we are in a "delusion tug of war" He posted...

Saturday, March 07, 2009

revelations and realizations Lately I've been noticing that everyone lives in their own little reality. Everyones reality has its own rules and delusions. They perceive everything differently and I've noticed in a village, the delusions are far more extreme. I don't know what causes this. It seems like the littlest things can be blown way out of proportion. I personally think it's how televisions kind of forms our lives. People use what they see on TV as a template for their lives and expect things to be that way. For most people reading this, thats complete bullshit, but I've seen enough of it to vouch that it's pretty accurate for most people. I ground myself with interviews with Frank Zappa. In one of his last interviews in 1993 he said, "It's not important to be remembered. It's not important to even be remembered. I mean the people that worry about being remembered are guys like Reagan, Bush. These people want to be remembered and they'll spend a lot of money and do a lot of work to make sure that remeberance is just terrific." He just strikes me as so human. He's just so good at remembering to be a human being rather than something that we aren't. I've always felt that we, as human beings, always try to get away from the fact that we are human beings. We push ourselves to forget what we are and we surround ourselves with possessions and create our own delusions. I was never a terribly big fan of Frank Zappa's music, but I was and will always be a big fan of him as a human being.

I understand that correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation. But ever since I have been saved. I have been seeing things. I have been feeling feelings. I have been in touch with a "super-reality" but in a sense others see me a delusional. Are we all dissociated with our own personal realities?

Lights change for me. Buses arrive when I tap into "The Holy Spirit." I have seen spirits. I have felt the "enemy". I have felt the gentleness of our savior giving me a slight pat on the stomach. I have seen the spirit twirl before my eyes. I have smelled the heavenly essence. I have found my own "disassociation" beyond the drugs that I used to use to tap into a delusion. Others say I'm Schizophrenic. I say I am a Believer.

I'm sure you have found Jesus. I'm sure that there was a underlying reason for all your intellectual sufferings. And that was for your moral compass to be pointed in the right direction. That was Jesus. I pray that you are traveling through your mind's past and reflecting as deeply as you once did and will continually walk those mountains showing others the way to their truth.

"Andrew Harley Jones, 23, died May 28, 2010 as a result of a hiking accident along Turnagain Arm."

He loved to hike. He reflected on his daily walk as well.. this story seems less vibrant though...

Friday, February 05, 2010

Cosmos Hills and the Kogoluktuk As I walked down the dark road, I knew it traveled into oblivion. But I continued walking. The black trees stood tall along both sides of the road as if passing judgment on whoever traveled. The artificial glow from town started to fade and the stars begin to reveal themselves from hiding. Once I was far enough away from town I stopped walking and listened; absolute silence. I cocked my head back and watched the sky. The previous night, I had seen a light falling slowly toward the horizon, flashing at seemingly random intervals. It had looked like a piece of glitter floating through the air only reflecting light when it was willed. The glitter would not present itself to me this night, so I shifted my focus to the Northern Lights exposing a slight silhouette of the Cosmos Hills. To the East these lights had puddled up in the distance. I had pretended that they had gathered to witness the view from a particular bluff above the Kogoluktuk River where we had gathered a year ago to do the same. Pleased with this thought I began walking back from which was now a nightly pilgrimage to nowhere.

You now walk in the path of lights. No darkness surrounding. No judgement. Just purity. I know that I cannot make assumptions from your writing. But all these connections within my mind are for a reason. To strengthen my Faith. Even though it may seem minuscule to some. These associations are major in my life. Now that I have found my truth. As AJ possibly did the three days before he passed away from this world the reality of death surrounds my heart.

Memento Mori

Memento mori is a Latin phrase translated as "Remember you must die". It names a genre of artistic creations that vary widely from one another, but which all share the same purpose: to remind people of their own mortality.

RIP.

Obituary : http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/adn/obituary.aspx?n=andrew-jones&pid=143267248#ixzz0q2EpVE6P

The Departure and The Arrival

The Departure and the Arrival

It was time. It was time for me now to take my first steps back to society and sobriety. I was terrified. I was shaking because there were so many things flowing through my mind at one time. All the colors around me seemed vibrant and the glory of our Lord was shining through me. My oil was overflowing the lamp. It was terribly hard for me to say goodbye to the people that I have gotten so close to in those short ten days. Every single one at Schick has at least taught me one important thing. Even the people that I don't even talk to taught me something. They taught me to be courageous. I see them starting a new life and it brings a smile to my face. They made the conscious, but some made the unconscious decision to start over new.

Some of the people that come into Schick Shadel Hospital are lost, and everyone around you helps you find your way. I believe that I got the most out of the patients then I got even out of the program. The reason why we all come together into one life form is because we all share a common disease. We are addicts. Someway along the long series of Natural Selection our terrible recessive gene stayed strong. We have to come to realize that that disease has taken over our bodies and minds and we lost control of our most internal desires. To be whole again.

We have internalized what we have learned here in a physiological and spiritual way. In our brain we have separated the autonomic connection between event and reward. We have blocked that action potential to induce craving and most of all we made the connections to other parts of our brain that were once shut off by our disease. Spiritually we have finally reached back out to our Higher Power. When we make the connection with our Spirit we strengthen the connection in our bodies. You will gain wisdom and greater understanding about your disease if you have that Fear of the Lord. I used to say, I am here and I am a Alcoholic... but not I can finally say I am here and I am finally Happy.

My story was definetly a spiritual struggle and the patients and staff noticed an immediate difference in my self-esteem and demeanor after I let all my defenses down. I opened my arms and people fell into them. I finally let them fall into my arms without a perverted mind. I started to Love.

When I finally reached Anchorage I had to write some more. I had to get out of the house that has tormented me for so long!

When I first ran into my father at the airport I was all tears, but he was all defencive. He still has the mentality that I will relapse. That HURT alot. Everything out of his mouth was negative. My mouth was going a million miles a minutes, but I don't think he was completely listening. Since I became this new person I hate to say that I barley know my parents. That HURTS. To go from a place where everyone was full of love to a place where everyone looks at you like a piece of trash is tearing me up inside. Send me some words of encouragement please! I would love to hear from you guys and girls because you are my family.

After a long awkward talk with the parents I had to leave the house. There was too much battling going on in my mind and I had to go for a run. I ran and ran with tears in my eyes. I was running through the neighborhood that I was so destructive towards. People didn't even say hi to me. I was so used to it at Schick. People closed up to me. Even my sister. I ran and ran and prayed.

I realized that allot of flies were following me and buzzing around my head I kept trying to tell them to bug off, but they didn't listen. After a while of thought I decided to let my feet take me where they wanted to go. I ended up in the woods that I used to hide in and drink and smoke.

Triggers were everywhere. The whole city of Anchorage seems like a trigger to me. Its still a battle for me sitting here typing this. I look at everything I have and I can relate it to my fictional persona. Because my whole life was fake. I don't know my parents. I don't know my sister. This is too hard. But I know I have some great people listening to me out there. And that makes me smile.

The woods were beautiful, the sun was shining through and the flowers were in full bloom. I was in a land that didn't care about the outside world. They were going on their own pace, while the world was zipping by. I was one of the flowers and the forest. The symmetry and the smell of the lavender flowers caught me by surprise. Those smelt great. I started t9o look for other flowers that have gone on in life for some time I wouldn't cut it short. I looked through the forest and intensely gazed through the foliage. A beautiful flower was eying me. Drawing me in with her enticement. I had to pick her even if I had to bushwhack. The flower smelled great. I'll keep it, I know I will need it later for some reason.

I continued down the beaten bath whilst mosquitos followed my every step. The parasites of the forest looking for their share of food for their souls. I had to keep running but they kept catching up for some reason. I Lord of the Flies decided it wasn't their time to be extinguished. I just patted them away and my body began to be an insect graveyard. I said sorry to every one that I killed, I guess I felt obligated to do so.

As I was jogging and taking in all the sights and smells, behold a tree. The rees growing out a single root system. It just jumped out at me. I was shocked and in awe about natures secrets. Why did it decide to do this? All I know is that I decided to stay upon it, fo I felt I was obligated to do so. I looked around and the view was magnificent. I wished that I brought my camera. The bugs didn't bug me anymore. I was amazed at the natural beauty that surrounded my little city. I never saw this city before, everything looked new. I was shaking. The bugs were getting worse, the Lord of the Flies were hungry for some Blood.

I jumped off that particular system of life and continued upon my unplanned journey. There was a fork in the road. Before I used to take the right fork to a fallen tree to drink my whiskey. I thougt about going down the road not taken, but I decided towards the other. As I continued down the path I looked where I once sat. I could not believe my eyes. A cap from one of my Whiskey bottles was still sitting there untouched! Somehow I felt as if it was tempting me. I picked it up and found out why I kept the flower. I replaced the whiskey cap with the flower that I worked so hard to obtain. That felt good. I had to keep going for I had to get rid of this cap. It felt heavy in my hands and just the sight of it made my palms sweaty. The flies were getting worse.

I started to run to leave them behind and they subsided for a moment. I was deep within the woods, at the heart of my journey. I was looking for a place to finally put my Whiskey cap to rest and lone behold a shallow grave was there for me to throw it in. I threw it in with no hesitation. Then saw a rock and threw that on top on the cap for good measure. I was Angry.

I decided to run away and not look back to where he now rests. He lies with the flies.

I hope he decays and lives a miserable life underneath his rock. The flies were angry and started to bite. My legs were targets my head and my arms. They began to swell from all the injections. I noticed a small evergreen tree so overcrowded and no light was getting to him. I dug him out gently even through the flies were eating me for dinner. I thought about bringing him home to represent my growth in life.So I could see it everyday. I said no. I do not want to bring something so pure, to the middle of a place so impure.

I was walking back through the path and others that were hiking that day say me and gave me a wide girth as they passed by. They didn't know why I was holding a small evergreen they didn't even acknowledge my existence.

I told the tree he was going to be alright. You are in good hands I told him.
I saw where I was standing before on the tree tree root system. I stood back upon the tree and searched the meadow where "Frank" will be able to dig his roots deep within the soil and grow to magnificence. There was a clearing in the meadow as if it was there for me. I got down and cleansed the dead that took once frank's now promising spot for growth. After he was planted I noticed the flies. They were getting worse. I prayed.

The clouds over me were dark and at that moment as if someone heard my thoughts I heard the titter-tatter of rain on leaves. After a few moments the rain was coming down hard. The flies were sent back to their homes. They lived in the flowers. Something so evil that hides in something so pure. That made me grimace. My hands were black with soil and I decided my work there was done.

I continued out back to the concrete jungle with shuffling of my feet. I didn't want to go back to a home where I didn't feel welcomed. I was walking because I needed to relearn how to walk. I saw that everyone around me was caught up in this present world. I felt sorry. I started feeling sorry for myself as well because all I had were the clothes on my back and a fictional house to go back to. I shook my head and told myself to knock it off.

Someone yelled "asshole" outside their window as they were driving past but they didn't notice the tears that fell for him. I continued down a path that I have always waked in darkness and every step was refreshing. I heard a creek meandering through the brush over the loud engines of human innovation. I jumped in and it was good.

I started to walk down this little creek and I was slipping on the slimy rocks that have gained so much algae the creek looked green. My toes and feet started to numb so I decided to continue to walk down the whole creek until I slipped and stumbled on the embankment. One look back at nature and I was off down the little creek road that I have peverted. People do not look at me They know me for whom I was. I felt saddened. Some of the children that would normally smile, ran back to their parents. I sighed and though of Schick and how everyone greeted you with a smile.

Back home. I take my shoes off because they were leaving water prints wherever I walked. I opened the door and I made a b-line for the shower. I let the oscillating shower head numb my face and the tears blended with the water.

Tethered to a crumbling rock

Tethered - Just another beautiful day under the almighty gaze of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I was once tethered and shackled to a rock that was unstable and brittle. I was connected to a earthly world-view that didn't provide me any wisdom or happiness.

As I received the grace of our Lord the weight of what was keeping me tethered to the ground has been lifted.

I now fly. Nothing will stop me. I am with the eagles.

Isaiah 40:31 - "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Every end has a new begining

There was a time in my life when everything felt terrible.
I was sad.
I was mad.
I was angry.
I was someone you really didnt want to be around.

This time is over.

I recently got Baptized in the name of the Holy trinity.

I feel amazing.
I am reborn.

Praise God!

Although it might seem quite odd that my line of reasoning has changed from pessemistic to optimistic (as you can note from my previous entry),

I tell you the truth!

I have seen the Father. I have seen his presence. And all is well.



It was a long road filled with tears, trials and tribulations. It was a road filled with carnal ideologies. The road was filled with dirty thoughts.

My worldview was not even remotly christian.

I am now happy that I still suffer for Christ.
I am happy that I can say that I am completly Humble and that I fear the Lord.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes, heart, nose and mouth to speak and feel your presence within my life. It truthfully is a wonderful gift from above.

Your grace makes me smile. Your cross makes me cry. You fill my heart up with joy, singing and praise. I can't even describe with my own carnal flesh the neverending magnificance of your eternal kingdom.

This is my Prayer to you Lord.

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Father I stand in awe this morning at the never ending magnificance of your eternal Kingdom. I cannot help but smile as the revelations of your spiritual realm are becomming more and more real. Your Holy word just jumps out at me whenever I read it. The truths spoken there are far deeper than I ever knew and i thank you because it is your Holy spirit who helps me to understand these truths at a deeper level.

The implication for all our lives is far greater than anything I understood before. I confess in times past I would read and study but to experience these truthsd is beyond anything I ever really knew to be possible. How immense is your Kingdom and how wonderful it is to get a glimpse of the eternal truths from inside the pages of your Bible.

Today father I can hardly wait to get inside your word. I am in awe at the newly revealed reality of your truths. it is a humbling experience to realize how tightly I used to hold on the the familiar and confortable understandings I had in the past. It is also a little frightening to me (in a good way) to recognize yow much I would have missed if i had not kept digging. I thank you Lord that you refuse to allow me to rest in comfort anymore. You have been in the business of challenging me for quite a while now.

Over and over I hear you remind me that I will be as close to you and your truths as I choose to be.

I am also more aware of my own human limitations and I can honestly say how relieved I am to live ech new day in a surrendered state of mind. As odd as it sounds when I say it I am relieved to know that everytime I surrender to you and follow your ways I am somehow seeing a new dimenstion of your truths.

I really don't have the proper words to explain it but this new expectation is worth whatever I had that was laid down.

As humans we understand so little of your spiritual realm and yet I know we are still supposed to be living in that spiritual realm right now - right here on this earth. Understanding your spiritual truths with a mind like Christ is the Goal of my life. It is a one day at a time process but ever since I crossed over the Jordan the eyes of enlightenment you have given to me and to all of your surrendered ones has keeped me focused and on point.

I pray today for my surrendered brothers and sisters who are everywhere - alol around the world. They are a very special gift to me as I recognize your call on their lives and can join with them as together we keep on keeping on.

I ask you to protect them with divine protection from above releasing the Spirtual Armor of God and sheltering them everyday - sealing them from permanent injury. I ask you to revel yourself and manifest your presence to them as they obediently labor in your Harvest Fields (wherever you have planted them.)

Father the need I have deep within is a spirtual gift you have given me to sustain and encourage me - and I am grateful that I finally get this. It has become a profound truth recognizing that ahead of me lays more and mroe revelations of your scriptual truths -- as well as a deeper understanding of the application of these truths for my daily walk.

Thank you that you seen to it that I would be hungry - mor esimple hunger -that I would be desperate for your truths, seeking you out as if my very life depended on it - as it really does.

Protect me, my family and church and all whom I journey on this exciting path of life - which I know in the end will lead me into your presence and the fullness of your truths.

To you be all the honor and glory.

Amen