Zen

I feel different. Going a night without sleep and without any type of medication to help me sleep makes me somewhat emotional.I feel at peace with myself and others around me.Earlier I was about to cry because I was looking towards the mundaneand the things that I couldn't change.Tomorrow I have my first day of training for the library and I am readily excited to start. I will put 110 percent of my effort and knowledge into this job to show these undergraduates and other graduates and doctors or what have you that I am the next PHD or Dr. I know that I can do this. Well now I know that I can do this but what about thirty minutes from now? Will I still be the same? I do not know if this medication is helping me or hurting me.For others the simple things in life seem to make them laugh, for me it takes something extraordinary. If someone laughs at their mistake I laugh with them but at their utter ignorance.I wish that I could have my degree right now and wouldn't have to worry about all my financial issues. I guess time will heal.I keep trying to renew my faith in the lord but it currently is not working. Everyone tells me to wait on the lord but for me it is tearing me up inside.

Zen-

I live in tranquility

An eternal blessed mind

Sunshine and rays of hopefulness

flow through my limber muscles.

I wish to understand
to find

the underlying basis of my activities.

Why do I cry? Why do I smile? Why do I hate?

Is there something above me or below me?

At the moment I don't care

Not about me

not about nothing.

Peace fills my heart

I wish this will never end

I wish the depression will not start

I smile and stare at the minuscule sand

that has found its way between my toes

I laugh as I continue to realize how

We were created from that dust

A vast world awaits

for me to provide my inner creationism

beyond any one's imagination.

The signals reside

between my ears

I try to grasp onbut there is no one there.

Others say

You have nothing to fear!

I shake my head

I feel despair

The world seems dim

There is no might

I fall into the schedule

I live by the night.

The cycle continues

I walk into the light

To start another episode.