Requiem for a Dream

Dreams

Some of us have dreams and some of these dreams are shattered by our addictions. Addictions to drugs. Addictions to Lust. Addictions to food. Addictions to addictions. Its a vicious circle of ups and downs. For me my addiction sent me spiraling towards oblivion.

My drug accepted me with love. I returned the favor by indulging and consuming as much drugs and as many chemicals I could. It didn't matter what type of drug it was. If it got me high. I was its friend. I was very protective of my friends. My" friends" were my only "friends" who knew me and understood me. I could always go back to them and they would always accept me.

It didn't matter that they were hurting me. Hurting my family. Hurting my realistic friends.
It didn't matter that people cared about me. I didn't care about you. I only cared about the one who did not care about me at all.

I thank the Lord and thank my family that I never had a chance to get my hands on the chemicals that could leave me foaming at the mouth and begging for a dollar downtown.
Whenever I watch this movie I am filled
with fixed emotions. At one point I am filled with jealousy. They are getting really high
I want to be where they are! I want to have the great times under the influence. When you see how such lives with such dreams are shattered by drug use those thoughts do a complete 180. You see where it can lead you. You are filled with disgust. Filled with pain. Filled with love for the ones whom are at their lowest. When I watch this movie I can see a little part of myself In these men and women. A part of me contains dreams and goals. A part of me feels the pain of losing everything that his/her heart desires.
I am currently going through some pains. Some urges. Dreadful thoughts flow through my mind but something glows in my heart. Please Pray. For me. For others for addictions. For yourself.

Understanding Barriers

Dear Self,

There seems to be a few things that have come up in my mind recently that have driving my thought processor into overdrive. I would like to share with you what I (franks mind) is currently questioning. I wish to hold on to faith but an evil lion entices me every second of my life. There is a constant battle to fight. A constant war. With the little faith that I hold dearest in my heart. It keeps the enemy at bay. Self read my word and read my insight. For it comes within the within. Deep in my heart deep in the sub component of my reality. Delight and indulge in the truth.

Sincerely,
Frank's Mind

I continue to hold on to the past and never let go.

My mind is wavering to and fro.

I honestly do not know.

Which way to go.
Do I pick the pure and clean of spirit?
Do I turn the eye then do not care?
I'm unbalanced on each side
A mental crusade and wild ride.
Of emotions.

Some days I'm low but others I'm high
I want stability, honesty I try.
I bow down my head and reach for the sky
I kneel down and begin to cry
I pray for direction
I pray for a cause
I pray for forgiveness
I pray for the laws
That govern my mind and have control
To make their decision

Stop the insanity and stop the imbalance!
Stop the anger.
Stop the Lust
Stop the grandiosity and remorse
You Must!
Take heed of what I say
Make the decision today!

I keep feeding you lies
I'm your monopoly
Your only source
for a decision
What I portray varies day to day
Is not true
For there is another
in my mind
Whom is not of our kind.
A separate judge
that relies on the lie
He basks in the ambiance
of when I cry.

Re-weigh my scale
reiterate my mind
Don't
Believe in the lie
Feed me truth
Feed me the cure
Tell me why
I'm even here.

I hold on to you
I hold on to the cross
I hold onto my faith
For it is little
But it is large
In your eyes

I will stay with you
through think and thin
through highs and lows
and in betweens

When he comes
I shall close my eyes
Thinking of you
Thinking of the day
When we will hug
and dance and play.
In heaven

A thought on Bi-polar

I don't know.
I don't care.
I don't even know why I'm here.
Its not fair.
I'm not aware.
People even stop and stare.

I can't sleep
I can't feel.
When will I feel real?

I am locked up in a tale
I am locked up
My brains for sale.

I am happy. Then I am sad.
I am depressed, then I am glad.
I get angry then I'm able.
When will I
Become stable.

I'm better then you.
I can't account to anything.
I can complete you.
I can't even get out of bed.
I wish to know,
What is going on in my head.

Trapped in a struggle
Nobody knows the suffering that I go through.
Stability from the highs and lows
Take this pill
This is how it goes.
Emotions are nothing

I am happy.
Then I am sad.
I am depressed, then I am glad.
I get angry then I'm able.
When will IBecome stable.