Worldviews

My Word-View: Christian

But what does Christian (or whatever religion you follow) mean to each of us INDIVIDUALLY? To me it means something much more different than it may be to you. Our entire lives are shaped on these foundational beliefs of morality. For example. When one goes to a eye doctor you get a prescription for contacts/glasses...every prescription can be different and for some of us unlucky enough to have myopia (nearsightedness) or hyperopia (farsightedness) we have to wear these lenses to be able to see the world in a new light... to see clearly. There is definitely a medium (in this case the contact lens or the glasses lens) and they are generally made from the same materials. How is this related to religion?

The medium is what C.S. Lewis (in his popular novel Mere Christianity) dubs The Law of Human Nature. Which basically states that we all have a gravitational pull to do what is morally right.. no matter our world view. He goes on to say that it is human nature to do good. Our "prescription" or world-view that we have is unique to each and every one of us. Everything we were taught (even maybe the principles of Erik Erikson) or learned through observation, reflection and practice has shaped our medium. The metaphorical "doctor" is all our teachers throughout our lifespan.

Some may have the Jesus prescription( Px). Some may have the Allah Px, Buddah Px, Pagan Px, Atheist Px. Some may even dub themselves non-denominational. Every other belief system thinks another belief/denomination is delusional. In a sense we are all blind but our "doctors" shape our minds and plant little seeds of thought in our line of reasoning which grow and root in the deep conscious/subconscious of our minds. When we place our human reasoning into the picture don't our glasses fog up and distort the medium and change our prescription? I can go even further and say EVERYONE has different religions. Its just the medium that we try to fall on to be "separate" from other's religious prescriptions.


Is it even possible to set your belief's aside? Is true separation from Church/State even possible? I personally think that personal beliefs and your work in SW arn't mutually exclusive.

Our values are set in our beliefs. When we value patients and their beliefs aren't we in a sense using our own beliefs in the work that we do?

I think its somewhat possible to have a neutral attitude and to be culturally relevant/compassionate. To convey these neutral attitudes in regards to religion/spirituality one would definitely have to be a formalist and follow many rules/laws that would TRY to separate your personal world-view with the other's view....but remember we all have to be in the "medium."

I believe that our foundational concept of morality is best related to a quote by a British poet John Betjeman.
"Childhood is measured out by sounds and smells and sights, before the dark hour of reason grows"

When reason "steps in" so does our metaphorical doctors. We either choose to wear the prescription medium or not. I wear my own glasses wherever I go and I won't take them off because that is how I see where I am going.

In my practice i'm not going to take them off because it would be unprofessional to do so. It would be impossible for me to read and to interpret my clients.

Memento Mori

Memento Mori

We have to remember that we are going to die.



I was just surfing the internet when all of a sudden many realizations came into my line of thought. I was first told that one of my friends that I used to play a video game with (I knew him very little) but some of my other friends that I played this video game with knew him very deeply died.

What was his name?

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Andrew Harley Jones, 23, died May 28, 2010

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This was a man of deep thought. He reflected on his morality. He reflected on life and its little nuances that we come into play with. I know that If I keep making these little connections in my life with others I will fall into some sort of insanity. As AJ said he was going to go insane. Here is a entry from AJ's blog:

Thursday, May 14, 2009

Estranged Lately I've noticed that everday things become more and more trivial to me. Things that I do on a day to day basis become foreign, and I become overwhelmed with dissociation. It's like when you repeat a word outloud over and over, it starts to lose meaning and just becomes a strange noise. To me, this is frightening because everyday I enter this state of mind more often and I think eventually nothing will make sense to me. I imagine this is how crazy people think before they go completely insane.

About the time of his death (I was totally unaware of his death until today) I was searching the internet about the serial killer Berkowitz.

It was interesting to me that during the time of his death I was looking up this name of Elliot Smith (One of his songs is Son of Sam and many know that Son of Sam was another alias Berkowitz used in some of his letters) that this name came into my life. Berkowitz was the alias that Mr. Andrew Harley Jones used when we played Counter-Strike together (Our clan name was [MM] or Muktuk Mafia.) The thing about [MM] was that we were all Native or associated with Alaskan Natives. And all our alias' were attributed to many well known "sociological terrorists"... i.e. Berkowitz , Kaczynski (This was my alias) and a few others.

What really made me get the urge to write about this was that on AJ's facebook page.. three days before he died he wrote one simple word.

Andrew Jones Jesus

3:44 AM May 25

http://www.myspace.com/andrewhjones

Did he finally find his true savior? This could relate to our own personal "delusions" be it The God Delusion or be it the Atheist/Agnostic Delusion. AJ knew about some sort of "
delusion" that was going on. Apparently we are in a "delusion tug of war" He posted...

Saturday, March 07, 2009

revelations and realizations Lately I've been noticing that everyone lives in their own little reality. Everyones reality has its own rules and delusions. They perceive everything differently and I've noticed in a village, the delusions are far more extreme. I don't know what causes this. It seems like the littlest things can be blown way out of proportion. I personally think it's how televisions kind of forms our lives. People use what they see on TV as a template for their lives and expect things to be that way. For most people reading this, thats complete bullshit, but I've seen enough of it to vouch that it's pretty accurate for most people. I ground myself with interviews with Frank Zappa. In one of his last interviews in 1993 he said, "It's not important to be remembered. It's not important to even be remembered. I mean the people that worry about being remembered are guys like Reagan, Bush. These people want to be remembered and they'll spend a lot of money and do a lot of work to make sure that remeberance is just terrific." He just strikes me as so human. He's just so good at remembering to be a human being rather than something that we aren't. I've always felt that we, as human beings, always try to get away from the fact that we are human beings. We push ourselves to forget what we are and we surround ourselves with possessions and create our own delusions. I was never a terribly big fan of Frank Zappa's music, but I was and will always be a big fan of him as a human being.

I understand that correlation doesn't necessarily mean causation. But ever since I have been saved. I have been seeing things. I have been feeling feelings. I have been in touch with a "super-reality" but in a sense others see me a delusional. Are we all dissociated with our own personal realities?

Lights change for me. Buses arrive when I tap into "The Holy Spirit." I have seen spirits. I have felt the "enemy". I have felt the gentleness of our savior giving me a slight pat on the stomach. I have seen the spirit twirl before my eyes. I have smelled the heavenly essence. I have found my own "disassociation" beyond the drugs that I used to use to tap into a delusion. Others say I'm Schizophrenic. I say I am a Believer.

I'm sure you have found Jesus. I'm sure that there was a underlying reason for all your intellectual sufferings. And that was for your moral compass to be pointed in the right direction. That was Jesus. I pray that you are traveling through your mind's past and reflecting as deeply as you once did and will continually walk those mountains showing others the way to their truth.

"Andrew Harley Jones, 23, died May 28, 2010 as a result of a hiking accident along Turnagain Arm."

He loved to hike. He reflected on his daily walk as well.. this story seems less vibrant though...

Friday, February 05, 2010

Cosmos Hills and the Kogoluktuk As I walked down the dark road, I knew it traveled into oblivion. But I continued walking. The black trees stood tall along both sides of the road as if passing judgment on whoever traveled. The artificial glow from town started to fade and the stars begin to reveal themselves from hiding. Once I was far enough away from town I stopped walking and listened; absolute silence. I cocked my head back and watched the sky. The previous night, I had seen a light falling slowly toward the horizon, flashing at seemingly random intervals. It had looked like a piece of glitter floating through the air only reflecting light when it was willed. The glitter would not present itself to me this night, so I shifted my focus to the Northern Lights exposing a slight silhouette of the Cosmos Hills. To the East these lights had puddled up in the distance. I had pretended that they had gathered to witness the view from a particular bluff above the Kogoluktuk River where we had gathered a year ago to do the same. Pleased with this thought I began walking back from which was now a nightly pilgrimage to nowhere.

You now walk in the path of lights. No darkness surrounding. No judgement. Just purity. I know that I cannot make assumptions from your writing. But all these connections within my mind are for a reason. To strengthen my Faith. Even though it may seem minuscule to some. These associations are major in my life. Now that I have found my truth. As AJ possibly did the three days before he passed away from this world the reality of death surrounds my heart.

Memento Mori

Memento mori is a Latin phrase translated as "Remember you must die". It names a genre of artistic creations that vary widely from one another, but which all share the same purpose: to remind people of their own mortality.

RIP.

Obituary : http://www.legacy.com/obituaries/adn/obituary.aspx?n=andrew-jones&pid=143267248#ixzz0q2EpVE6P

The Departure and The Arrival

The Departure and the Arrival

It was time. It was time for me now to take my first steps back to society and sobriety. I was terrified. I was shaking because there were so many things flowing through my mind at one time. All the colors around me seemed vibrant and the glory of our Lord was shining through me. My oil was overflowing the lamp. It was terribly hard for me to say goodbye to the people that I have gotten so close to in those short ten days. Every single one at Schick has at least taught me one important thing. Even the people that I don't even talk to taught me something. They taught me to be courageous. I see them starting a new life and it brings a smile to my face. They made the conscious, but some made the unconscious decision to start over new.

Some of the people that come into Schick Shadel Hospital are lost, and everyone around you helps you find your way. I believe that I got the most out of the patients then I got even out of the program. The reason why we all come together into one life form is because we all share a common disease. We are addicts. Someway along the long series of Natural Selection our terrible recessive gene stayed strong. We have to come to realize that that disease has taken over our bodies and minds and we lost control of our most internal desires. To be whole again.

We have internalized what we have learned here in a physiological and spiritual way. In our brain we have separated the autonomic connection between event and reward. We have blocked that action potential to induce craving and most of all we made the connections to other parts of our brain that were once shut off by our disease. Spiritually we have finally reached back out to our Higher Power. When we make the connection with our Spirit we strengthen the connection in our bodies. You will gain wisdom and greater understanding about your disease if you have that Fear of the Lord. I used to say, I am here and I am a Alcoholic... but not I can finally say I am here and I am finally Happy.

My story was definetly a spiritual struggle and the patients and staff noticed an immediate difference in my self-esteem and demeanor after I let all my defenses down. I opened my arms and people fell into them. I finally let them fall into my arms without a perverted mind. I started to Love.

When I finally reached Anchorage I had to write some more. I had to get out of the house that has tormented me for so long!

When I first ran into my father at the airport I was all tears, but he was all defencive. He still has the mentality that I will relapse. That HURT alot. Everything out of his mouth was negative. My mouth was going a million miles a minutes, but I don't think he was completely listening. Since I became this new person I hate to say that I barley know my parents. That HURTS. To go from a place where everyone was full of love to a place where everyone looks at you like a piece of trash is tearing me up inside. Send me some words of encouragement please! I would love to hear from you guys and girls because you are my family.

After a long awkward talk with the parents I had to leave the house. There was too much battling going on in my mind and I had to go for a run. I ran and ran with tears in my eyes. I was running through the neighborhood that I was so destructive towards. People didn't even say hi to me. I was so used to it at Schick. People closed up to me. Even my sister. I ran and ran and prayed.

I realized that allot of flies were following me and buzzing around my head I kept trying to tell them to bug off, but they didn't listen. After a while of thought I decided to let my feet take me where they wanted to go. I ended up in the woods that I used to hide in and drink and smoke.

Triggers were everywhere. The whole city of Anchorage seems like a trigger to me. Its still a battle for me sitting here typing this. I look at everything I have and I can relate it to my fictional persona. Because my whole life was fake. I don't know my parents. I don't know my sister. This is too hard. But I know I have some great people listening to me out there. And that makes me smile.

The woods were beautiful, the sun was shining through and the flowers were in full bloom. I was in a land that didn't care about the outside world. They were going on their own pace, while the world was zipping by. I was one of the flowers and the forest. The symmetry and the smell of the lavender flowers caught me by surprise. Those smelt great. I started t9o look for other flowers that have gone on in life for some time I wouldn't cut it short. I looked through the forest and intensely gazed through the foliage. A beautiful flower was eying me. Drawing me in with her enticement. I had to pick her even if I had to bushwhack. The flower smelled great. I'll keep it, I know I will need it later for some reason.

I continued down the beaten bath whilst mosquitos followed my every step. The parasites of the forest looking for their share of food for their souls. I had to keep running but they kept catching up for some reason. I Lord of the Flies decided it wasn't their time to be extinguished. I just patted them away and my body began to be an insect graveyard. I said sorry to every one that I killed, I guess I felt obligated to do so.

As I was jogging and taking in all the sights and smells, behold a tree. The rees growing out a single root system. It just jumped out at me. I was shocked and in awe about natures secrets. Why did it decide to do this? All I know is that I decided to stay upon it, fo I felt I was obligated to do so. I looked around and the view was magnificent. I wished that I brought my camera. The bugs didn't bug me anymore. I was amazed at the natural beauty that surrounded my little city. I never saw this city before, everything looked new. I was shaking. The bugs were getting worse, the Lord of the Flies were hungry for some Blood.

I jumped off that particular system of life and continued upon my unplanned journey. There was a fork in the road. Before I used to take the right fork to a fallen tree to drink my whiskey. I thougt about going down the road not taken, but I decided towards the other. As I continued down the path I looked where I once sat. I could not believe my eyes. A cap from one of my Whiskey bottles was still sitting there untouched! Somehow I felt as if it was tempting me. I picked it up and found out why I kept the flower. I replaced the whiskey cap with the flower that I worked so hard to obtain. That felt good. I had to keep going for I had to get rid of this cap. It felt heavy in my hands and just the sight of it made my palms sweaty. The flies were getting worse.

I started to run to leave them behind and they subsided for a moment. I was deep within the woods, at the heart of my journey. I was looking for a place to finally put my Whiskey cap to rest and lone behold a shallow grave was there for me to throw it in. I threw it in with no hesitation. Then saw a rock and threw that on top on the cap for good measure. I was Angry.

I decided to run away and not look back to where he now rests. He lies with the flies.

I hope he decays and lives a miserable life underneath his rock. The flies were angry and started to bite. My legs were targets my head and my arms. They began to swell from all the injections. I noticed a small evergreen tree so overcrowded and no light was getting to him. I dug him out gently even through the flies were eating me for dinner. I thought about bringing him home to represent my growth in life.So I could see it everyday. I said no. I do not want to bring something so pure, to the middle of a place so impure.

I was walking back through the path and others that were hiking that day say me and gave me a wide girth as they passed by. They didn't know why I was holding a small evergreen they didn't even acknowledge my existence.

I told the tree he was going to be alright. You are in good hands I told him.
I saw where I was standing before on the tree tree root system. I stood back upon the tree and searched the meadow where "Frank" will be able to dig his roots deep within the soil and grow to magnificence. There was a clearing in the meadow as if it was there for me. I got down and cleansed the dead that took once frank's now promising spot for growth. After he was planted I noticed the flies. They were getting worse. I prayed.

The clouds over me were dark and at that moment as if someone heard my thoughts I heard the titter-tatter of rain on leaves. After a few moments the rain was coming down hard. The flies were sent back to their homes. They lived in the flowers. Something so evil that hides in something so pure. That made me grimace. My hands were black with soil and I decided my work there was done.

I continued out back to the concrete jungle with shuffling of my feet. I didn't want to go back to a home where I didn't feel welcomed. I was walking because I needed to relearn how to walk. I saw that everyone around me was caught up in this present world. I felt sorry. I started feeling sorry for myself as well because all I had were the clothes on my back and a fictional house to go back to. I shook my head and told myself to knock it off.

Someone yelled "asshole" outside their window as they were driving past but they didn't notice the tears that fell for him. I continued down a path that I have always waked in darkness and every step was refreshing. I heard a creek meandering through the brush over the loud engines of human innovation. I jumped in and it was good.

I started to walk down this little creek and I was slipping on the slimy rocks that have gained so much algae the creek looked green. My toes and feet started to numb so I decided to continue to walk down the whole creek until I slipped and stumbled on the embankment. One look back at nature and I was off down the little creek road that I have peverted. People do not look at me They know me for whom I was. I felt saddened. Some of the children that would normally smile, ran back to their parents. I sighed and though of Schick and how everyone greeted you with a smile.

Back home. I take my shoes off because they were leaving water prints wherever I walked. I opened the door and I made a b-line for the shower. I let the oscillating shower head numb my face and the tears blended with the water.

Tethered to a crumbling rock

Tethered - Just another beautiful day under the almighty gaze of our Lord Jesus Christ.

I was once tethered and shackled to a rock that was unstable and brittle. I was connected to a earthly world-view that didn't provide me any wisdom or happiness.

As I received the grace of our Lord the weight of what was keeping me tethered to the ground has been lifted.

I now fly. Nothing will stop me. I am with the eagles.

Isaiah 40:31 - "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint."

Every end has a new begining

There was a time in my life when everything felt terrible.
I was sad.
I was mad.
I was angry.
I was someone you really didnt want to be around.

This time is over.

I recently got Baptized in the name of the Holy trinity.

I feel amazing.
I am reborn.

Praise God!

Although it might seem quite odd that my line of reasoning has changed from pessemistic to optimistic (as you can note from my previous entry),

I tell you the truth!

I have seen the Father. I have seen his presence. And all is well.



It was a long road filled with tears, trials and tribulations. It was a road filled with carnal ideologies. The road was filled with dirty thoughts.

My worldview was not even remotly christian.

I am now happy that I still suffer for Christ.
I am happy that I can say that I am completly Humble and that I fear the Lord.

Thank you Lord for opening my eyes, heart, nose and mouth to speak and feel your presence within my life. It truthfully is a wonderful gift from above.

Your grace makes me smile. Your cross makes me cry. You fill my heart up with joy, singing and praise. I can't even describe with my own carnal flesh the neverending magnificance of your eternal kingdom.

This is my Prayer to you Lord.

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Father I stand in awe this morning at the never ending magnificance of your eternal Kingdom. I cannot help but smile as the revelations of your spiritual realm are becomming more and more real. Your Holy word just jumps out at me whenever I read it. The truths spoken there are far deeper than I ever knew and i thank you because it is your Holy spirit who helps me to understand these truths at a deeper level.

The implication for all our lives is far greater than anything I understood before. I confess in times past I would read and study but to experience these truthsd is beyond anything I ever really knew to be possible. How immense is your Kingdom and how wonderful it is to get a glimpse of the eternal truths from inside the pages of your Bible.

Today father I can hardly wait to get inside your word. I am in awe at the newly revealed reality of your truths. it is a humbling experience to realize how tightly I used to hold on the the familiar and confortable understandings I had in the past. It is also a little frightening to me (in a good way) to recognize yow much I would have missed if i had not kept digging. I thank you Lord that you refuse to allow me to rest in comfort anymore. You have been in the business of challenging me for quite a while now.

Over and over I hear you remind me that I will be as close to you and your truths as I choose to be.

I am also more aware of my own human limitations and I can honestly say how relieved I am to live ech new day in a surrendered state of mind. As odd as it sounds when I say it I am relieved to know that everytime I surrender to you and follow your ways I am somehow seeing a new dimenstion of your truths.

I really don't have the proper words to explain it but this new expectation is worth whatever I had that was laid down.

As humans we understand so little of your spiritual realm and yet I know we are still supposed to be living in that spiritual realm right now - right here on this earth. Understanding your spiritual truths with a mind like Christ is the Goal of my life. It is a one day at a time process but ever since I crossed over the Jordan the eyes of enlightenment you have given to me and to all of your surrendered ones has keeped me focused and on point.

I pray today for my surrendered brothers and sisters who are everywhere - alol around the world. They are a very special gift to me as I recognize your call on their lives and can join with them as together we keep on keeping on.

I ask you to protect them with divine protection from above releasing the Spirtual Armor of God and sheltering them everyday - sealing them from permanent injury. I ask you to revel yourself and manifest your presence to them as they obediently labor in your Harvest Fields (wherever you have planted them.)

Father the need I have deep within is a spirtual gift you have given me to sustain and encourage me - and I am grateful that I finally get this. It has become a profound truth recognizing that ahead of me lays more and mroe revelations of your scriptual truths -- as well as a deeper understanding of the application of these truths for my daily walk.

Thank you that you seen to it that I would be hungry - mor esimple hunger -that I would be desperate for your truths, seeking you out as if my very life depended on it - as it really does.

Protect me, my family and church and all whom I journey on this exciting path of life - which I know in the end will lead me into your presence and the fullness of your truths.

To you be all the honor and glory.

Amen

Life

I hate my life.

Random Thoughts

I am sitting here befuddled about the future.
About what is the truth, and what path will lead me down the right road.
I can continue to complain. 

Will that get me anywhere? It hasn't in the past.
We all have the power to change things. We can be our own miracles. 
How do I and How can I perform the miracle of which I ask when everything was taken away?
Everything, more like the things of this world that the natural mind desires.
I wish to be my own miracle. I just need the strength.

I am confused. Still. Distraught from past experiences.
My mind is currently flooded with natural lusts and desires.
I do not wish to fall back into what I have already done to myself in the past.

Some tell me everything happens for a reason. I wish to put my old self away.
Bury the old, with the old ways of thinking and cleanse myself. Be a new creation.

I was told recently, in the midst of my distress to read Philippians 4 and to take away something from it.

Philippians 4

 ¹Therefore, my brothers, you whom I love and long for, my joy and crown, that is how you should stand firm in the Lord, dear friends!

Exhortations

 ²I plead with Euodia and I plead with Syntyche to agree with each other in the Lord. ³Yes, and I ask you, loyal yokefellow,^{a]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[a]} help these women who have contended at my side in the cause of the gospel, along with Clement and the rest of my fellow workers, whose names are in the book of life.

 ⁴Rejoice in the Lord always. I will say it again: Rejoice! ⁵Let your gentleness be evident to all. The Lord is near. ⁶Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. ⁷And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.

 ⁸Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. ⁹Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me—put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you.

Thanks for Their Gifts

 ¹⁰I rejoice greatly in the Lord that at last you have renewed your concern for me. Indeed, you have been concerned, but you had no opportunity to show it. ¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

 ¹⁴Yet it was good of you to share in my troubles. ¹⁵Moreover, as you Philippians know, in the early days of your acquaintance with the gospel, when I set out from Macedonia, not one church shared with me in the matter of giving and receiving, except you only; ¹⁶for even when I was in Thessalonica, you sent me aid again and again when I was in need. ¹⁷Not that I am looking for a gift, but I am looking for what may be credited to your account. ¹⁸I have received full payment and even more; I am amply supplied, now that I have received from Epaphroditus the gifts you sent. They are a fragrant offering, an acceptable sacrifice, pleasing to God. ¹⁹And my God will meet all your needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus.

 ²⁰To our God and Father be glory for ever and ever. Amen.

Final Greetings

 ²¹Greet all the saints in Christ Jesus. The brothers who are with me send greetings. ²²All the saints send you greetings, especially those who belong to Caesar's household.

 ²³The grace of the Lord Jesus Christ be with your spirit. Amen.^{b]" style="font-size: 0.75em; line-height: 0.5em; ">[b]}

Forgive me. Renew me. Love me.

Obstacles and Trials

Obstacles -

Why do I continue to not do which is right?

Why do I sin on my pillow, this wretched of nights?

You have given me hope though! 

Through the holy spirit you haveth given me light.

To guide me through the shadows of the valley of death.

I wish for you. I want you.

Holy Spirit.

Do not hide your face. Listen to me. This is all I want.

 Communion is what I desire. Your presence, fellowship, participation, friendship, sharing weakness and comradeship.

As I take another breath and peer into the future I understand that it is by your grace that another breath shall follow.
As I take another step I let you take control of my path.
Guide me Jehovah. The Holy Trinity. Hold me up, lift me up.
Turn a sinner from his ways. Make the future filled with better days.

I saw things and rejoiced.
I am saved.
 I chose to abstain from the spiritual mind and
chose to accept of which my carnal flesh whispers in my ear.

I have come to a revelation. 
I have the fear. 

For I know even the righteous of heart can be enticed.
We can be thrown from the green pastures.
And return to where we once were.

It takes endurance. Strength through all trials and tribulations.
It takes Faith. A leap. A blind step.

I want that grin. That smile on my face that says. I trust in you.
When I lay down and awaken, pave my way.
Help me soar above mountainous obstacles.

I promise.

From this day forward.


 When I open my eyes and before I close them, I will be in communion with the Trinity.

I shall utter the words, "Good Morning Holy Spirit" when a new day abound.
I shall pray at night for as long as the spirit wills.
Pray until I am comforted.
Pray until I'm found.

Hold my hand O merciful Lord. For I humble myself.
I am not filled with broken promises. I am stronger then that.
Heres my cup Lord. Fill it up Lord. With your grace. 
Heres my heart Lord. Embrace it.
Heres my flesh Lord. Work through it.
For I am yours. Now and through eternity!
Amen.

Limit

A revolution, turn thy mind
A surrender, humble thy body
A suffrage, persevere in faith.

I accept my limits.
Do you accept yours?

Formulate a revision
of my mind and soul
write upon and erase my soiled personal narrative

Vindicate me O Lord and rise me up High!
Standing on my tip toes, reaching to the sky
I begin to falter and stumble and try

to remember your promise that was lifted up and put in a way,
which puts a smile on my face every single day.
Now I'm revised and my vision is clear, I can honestly say

"I have nothing to fear."
but you Lord
I honesty fear and of whom
I rejoice, 

your revision has 

returned my voice.

This revision was hard to come by.
The process:
filled with tears
filled with passion, determination and trust!
Once had gold, now have dust.

"What shall you chose? Lust and desire? No!
Rebuke your lust or you shall return to the fire!"
Away from the natural, go towards the light!
Be lifted up with zeal and might.

Your word glows and the oil flows
The candle flickers, the wind blows.
You were lost, where to go?

Hold my hand, close your eyes.
Take the leap with me. 

For I will be here.

Through storms and weather
that wish to cloud the light.

Which turn you against, your brother, your mother.
I start to fight.

I begin to drown. I am lost, as I continue down
the light fades as I take my last breath I scream out in protest

" Revise me! Return me to the surface! I wish to be new!
I will humble myself, to be more like you!"

My breath has returned and senses renewed.
I gag and repent as the spirit twirls before my eyes
The Heavenly essence is indescribable
The Hand of God transcendent.
I feel as If I am dreaming.

It has begun. 

Through the narrow gate you have passed.
You have struggled through adversity. 

You have love. You have my garden.
Rejoice! 

For Your heart is unsoiled,

 lay in the grass.
Of my green pastures.